Genesis 3:1"....Did God really say?"

Doubt is undoubtedly a motivation killer. It slowly creeps in with one teensy little question which gradually over time undermines everything that you believe is true. What question am I referring to you might ask? Here it is.... "Did God really say..." 

For those of you who don't know me, let me introduce myself here. I'm Merritt. A mother of two boys, a 10-year-old named Allister and a 7-year-old named Beaumont, who by the way is autistic. I am happily married to my wonderful husband Jeritt. 

Merritt and Jeritt.... yes, our names rhyme and no we didn't change our names so they would be strikingly similar. They truly are our God given names from birth. I always say that we are a match made in heaven! I apologize for my assumption. It is a very common question that we receive when someone meets us for the first time. 

Anyway, I wanted to make it clear that my husband and I are Christ followers. It is very important to both of us to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit always. So, when this question pops up in one of our minds "Did God really say" we have to take pause and make sure we are walking in the obedience to God's Word and direction. 

In the Bible, Genesis 3:1, the serpent offers this little seedling of doubt to Eve, and quite honestly, all hell breaks loose in the garden, as Adam and Eve, forget to trust God and allow this tiny question to shape one decision, that changed everything. 

A year ago, I faced a difficult battle. Undoubtedly the serpent whispered this question in my head, and I was stuck. I kept trying to move forward into what I know is true, but really struggling with knowing for certain if God really said to me my next steps or did, I just make it up...or worse yet, did I hear wrong all together. 

The good news is that the Holy Spirit wakes me up early in the morning most days, way before the kids or my husband are up, and He talks to me. One morning He woke me up at 4:37 am to show me that I was in the middle of doubting God. Here is what happened. 

My motivation was gone. It felt like I was stuck in a jar of marshmallow cream. It is white, fluffy and sticky. Fairly harmless, marshmallow cream. When mixed with the right ingredients, it can create some really yummy candy. However, right at that moment, I was having a real hard time swimming through the muck of doubt, trying desperately to get to the top, to get to the answers. 

The Holy Spirit had me do a quick review of 2021 and to examine where that question, "Did God really say" popped into my life to cause stagnation. 

January 2021, Allister turned 9, Beaumont was just diagnosed by his school as autistic, I was working full time (50+ hours or more) in an executive role for a for profit vocational school as an Executive Academic Advisor. My husband was working full time as an educator for the same company. All normal routines were back after Covid wreaked havoc in 2020, except I was still working from home per my doctor's orders. 

February 2021, Beaumont was having big challenges in the after-school program, which by the way was not affiliated with the boy's elementary school, and quite honestly, they were just not equipped to handle an autistic child. They tried, but it was apparent to Jeritt and I that we needed to do something different. We began to pray about the boys after school needs. 

March 2021, we seek the approval from my direct supervisor to take a late lunch so I can pick up the boys from school, then finish my workday. It was clear that Beaumont really could not function in the after-school program, and we believed it was best to withdraw the boys temporarily from after school program and see what God showed us in that time. This was a pretty good band aid for the moment. 

April 2021, a bigger issue began to come up in our prayer time. I was struggling. Lately, I began to realize that I was no longer happy in my role at work. Although I believe that happiness is a choice, I also began to realize that change needed to happen. Not only was I stressed concerning work, but we had no clue what to do with the boys once school let out for the summer. I searched the internet trying to find a day camp that could manage Beaumont. Autistic kids have special needs, although Beaumont is verbal, sometimes in various settings he struggles with other children. Beaumont's safety and well-being is of course, extremely important to us and Allister's enjoyment and safety is important. So, what do we do? The only special needs Autism summer camps were in Dallas, 2 hours from us. At this point, I was desperate. I could tell that my stress level was affecting the boys, work and my marriage. Jeritt and I had to find out what we needed to do and fast. 

At this point, I began to review all my journal notes to see what God had spoken to me about 2021. 

God gave me three directives for 2021. He said, enjoy your family, rest in ME, and transformation. Then He said this, "Merritt, the love and protection you feel towards your boys is the same I feel for you. Can you feel it now? I AM here for you. Even when you don't feel me, hear me or sense me, I am here. Believe. Protect those you love from evil through faithful prayers. I hear you. Do not worry. I have the plans and I will carry them out even if you are unsure or make a miss step. I AM in control and will ultimately see the Kingdom of God on Earth. Remember your family first, not work, your plans are not MY plans...ALWAYS.... this.... you must seek MY face before you make decisions always."

Prayerfully, we asked God to show us what our next steps were to be. Looking over what God had spoken to me about 2021, we knew God would direct us and provide the answers we needed. And He did. May 7, 2021, was my last day in a career that I truly loved. God asked me to put aside my career, our second income, everything we had worked so hard to gain over the past 8+ years and say goodbye to working and say hello to being a stay-at-home mom. 

The only challenge was that we really needed that second income, or so we thought. We knew that temporarily we could manage on one salary but even with reducing our expenses, Jeritt's salary just would not cover the cost of everything.

As I was praying over our income needs and the boys after school needs and summer supervision needs, I felt like I was being nudged to consider getting my teacher's certificate for Texas. I have a bachelor's and master's degree. Recognizing this would allow me to have a similar schedule to the boys, plus doing something I love... teaching... I signed up. 

So why did this question of doubt come into my mind? What triggered the "did God really say?".... 

June 2021, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. This news was a shock to me, my family and my dad. He was one of the most fit people I knew. He ate healthy, was physically active and very much alive and a free spirit. 

Instead of spending this summer playing with the boys, I spent the summer of 2021 flying back and forth to the coast of NC, to be with my dad. My sister, aunts, cousins, family friends and Hospice all shared the load of taking care of my dad. Unfortunately, the cancer started in the pancreas and moved to his lungs and stomach. Pancreatic cancer ate him up. During this time my prayers changed from heal him here on earth to release him from this earthly shell and reward him with his heavenly body. 

Sadly, on September 30, 2021, my dad peacefully passed away in his sleep due to complications from cancer. And I was done. 

This event caused the muck that honestly kept me stuck for an entire year. From the moment I lost my dad to September 2022, I could not move forward in anything God wanted me to do. Did God really say... took a hold of me in one of my darkest moments and kept me from fulfilling God's plan. 

Lessons I learned during this struggle... 

Read your Bible, pray without ceasing and journal. Lean on your loved ones and friends. Heal. Don't make any rash decisions while you are in the middle of an emotional state. 

Most importantly, listen to the Holy Spirit and Trust God. He has your best interest at heart, and He will make His purposes known. Lastly, when the devil/or the serpent sneaks in and whispers or shouts to you..."Did God really say.." Tell that devil to go back to Hell, in Jesus' name! 

2020 Word from the Lord "Behold, I am doing a new thing"

 Y'all, do you ever go back through your journals and review the words you receive from God? Today I did just that and I read over a word that I wrote down in my iPhone notes dated December 1, 2019. 

Typically, before the start of the new year, I like to get alone with God and seek what the Holy Spirit is leading for myself and our family for the next year. Sometimes I get just a word to focus on, sometimes a scripture, sometimes something bigger. 

Here is what I wrote down that the Holy Spirit shared with me concerning God's vision for my family for the year 2020. 

"Behold, I do a new thing. Remove your sackcloth of mourning and put on the crown of righteousness, peace and joy. Behold I do a new thing. Do you have ears to listen? Listen up, for behold I will do a new thing. You are free from affliction, free from pain, free from debt, free from sin. Live in MY righteousness, live in MY holiness, live in MY joy. Behold I do a new thing. 2020 will bring new beginnings. Look for me and you will find me. Make sure you are listening for MY direction and My Spirit to guide you. Turn off the noise that hinders your ability to listen. Raise up your children in the way they should go, and they will never depart from it. Speak of Me in the morning, afternoon and evening. Teach your children about ME. Show them My love for you and them. As you seek Me, I will make your paths straight. Behold I do a new thing. Seek me at all times and the path will be prepared for you in advance."

HELLO! Wow. Even now, as I review His word for my family, and reflect on 2020, I just cannot believe it. 

God totally will prepare you for what is coming if you will humble yourself and seek out Him and His will. 2020 will forever go down in the history books due to the Covid pandemic and the response of the nation's due to Covid. God definitely did a new thing..... 

After 2020 was over, I wrote down a 2020 year in review as I reflected on how it went. Here is what I wrote on August 23, 2020.

"Tonight, Jeritt took Allister fishing. While they were out of the house, Beaumont crawled up onto my lap, we covered up with his favorite Tsum Tsum blanket and just watched TV together silently. As I was sitting here on the couch with my feet propped up, and my 5-year-old in my lap, I began scrolling through my pictures on my iPhone, listening to Beaumont slowly start to drift off to sleep, I began to think about how the year 2020 has been full of surprises so far. 

My biological dad Bennett had a heart attack and had to have heart surgery the first week of the new year. A week later, my stepdad Phil, had similar heart surgery. Both my dads did well in surgery but needless to say, January started off with a bang. 

Fast forward to today August 23, 2020, so much has happened. We were faced with some serious uncertainty when Covid 19 hit. Stay at home orders issued, face mask mandates, the boys ended up with the longest spring break ever. 

There were some weeks when I thought I might lose my mind working 50+ hours a week, plus homeschooling the boys, plus everything else you have to do to run a household. But as these weeks have turned into months, I look back at all these photos of the awesome things we got to experience as a family as we "stayed at home." 

The boys learned how to fish. Allister learned to ride his bike; Beaumont learned how to swim. The boys watched their dad, grandfather and uncle build a porch and sidewalk. We went on nature hikes and the boys got to see lightning bugs for the first time. 

We celebrated birthdays, Easter, July 4th and here we are starting the school year. Our kids have been heroes. They have been troopers through it all. Yeah, 2020 has been rough, unexpected and wonderful all at the same time. 

August 31 is my birthday. To be honest, I wasn't sure I would live to see 2020. In 2016 I was diagnosed with Dermatomyositis, a rare auto immune disorder, and this really put lots of things in perspective for us as a family. Then that same year we found out that I have a blood clotting disorder that almost cost me my life. 2016 was tough... I am grateful I am still here in 2020. 

No matter what life throws at you, you must remember to remain faithful to God, your family and the plans God has for you. 

My family has experienced lots of ups and down but at the end of the day, we know that God is good. Please take a moment to slow down. Breathe deeply. Smell the roses and drink some good sweet tea. 2020 has been a surprise for us all, but I think if you look back through the tough times of the year you will see the growth you experienced because of those trials." 

Wow, I love going back and reading God's word for 2020 for my family, and then reading my reflection on 2020 up through August of that year. 2020 continued to be one of firsts for my family. We went to Disney World in November 2020- had a blast. It was the boys first trip there. A huge memory maker for us and with Covid restrictions, I believe it was the best time to visit the parks. They were at 30% capacity when we went, short lines everywhere. It was fantastic. To finish up 2020, we went to Sunset Beach NC to spend the end of Christmas and the New Year with my parents- Mom and stepdad Phil, my biological dad Bennett and my aunts, uncles and cousins in that area. 

So, what is my point of writing about all this? 

Well, that is a good question. 

I don't know where you are today in your walk with the Lord Jesus Christ. But here is what the Bible says....

Isaiah 43:19 says, "Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." (NKJV)

This is your reminder that sometimes new things can be scary, and intimidating. Yes, new things that grow you can be difficult and hurt. New things can lead you down a new path that you had not even considered traveling down, but for whatever reason God takes you on that new and scary journey. Trust in HIM. Do the new thing scared and afraid because if you don't do the new thing, you might just miss out on something wonderful in the end of the process. 

2020 certainly did not look like how I wanted the year to go down. Yet, when I reflect back on how 2020 affected my family, I am so grateful that God did decide to do a new thing and that I was allowed to grow from it. 

We praise you God the Father for your faithfulness to speak truth to us in all things. Thank you for your son, Jesus who is our savior. Thank you for allowing my family to endure 2020 and to experience so many new things together. We grew as a family, and you were there with us in every way. AMEN! 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

I believe God delights in giving us little reminders of HIS love for us throughout the day. Sometimes I am more in tune with those little God moments and sometimes I am completely blind to them. Nevertheless, they are there. 

Yesterday at 4:13 am God showed me His reminder that unfortunately, I just did not see. 

Multiple times this week when I looked at the clock it would be 4:13 pm. Noticing the repetition several days in a row, I thought of my former role as a teacher and academic advisor with Paul Mitchell Schools. You see, Paul Mitchell makes a great hair brush called 413. Since 413 kept coming up each day I believed it was God prompting me to pray for my former employer, former coworkers and workplace, which I gladly took a moment to pray over. However, there was a much bigger picture that I was not aware of, until this morning. 

Wide awake at 4 am, I laid there wondering what God wanted me to do since He wasn't letting me go back to sleep. I glanced again at my clock and it said 4:13 am. Seeing the same set of numbers once again, I knew this was no coincidence, God was trying to get my attention. I asked God what was I missing since apparently my prayers for Paul Mitchell weren't the only thing He was trying to get across to me. I laid there silent, and the Lord told me to look for the corresponding scripture to go with 413. Unsure of what book in the Bible to go to, I asked God where in His Word did He want me to go. I heard Him say, "why don't you start in Philippians."

Philippians 4:13 states, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (NKJV) As I read the verse, my mind and heart shouted silently WOW. Thank you Lord for the reminder today, that I can do it, with Him. 

Let's hit rewind and let me give you some background info. I ask God regularly what purpose or plans do I need to carry out for him. Sometimes that task is just for the day, sometimes that task is something that will take longer to accomplish. Either way, I daily attempt to go to the Lord and get my assignment. 

For the month of September, I have been asking this question over and over again. I have extra time on my hands now that our boys are in school again, so I wanted to make sure my free time was fruitful for the Kingdom of God. When I ask the Lord these things I pause and wait for His directions. Lately, all I heard were crickets. Surely God has a task I need to complete. Right?

This weekend my husband and I were talking about hearing from the Lord and I told Jeritt that God has been silent for the past few weeks. My sweet, precious, loving Jeritt said something that really hit home to me. He said, "usually when he can't hear from God it's because God has already told him something to do and now he is struggling to be obedient to that call." OUCH! YIKES!

Was I disobedient in something Lord? 

I said to Jeritt that normally God is quiet with me when He has already given me direction on what to do and I haven't finished the task yet. Jeritt humbly said, "if you haven't done it yet or finished it, aren't you being disobedient to what God has asked you to complete?" Ouch again... BURN! 

Here I am now at 4:13 am, having a quiet conversation with God while everyone else in the home is asleep and I realize I WAS being disobedient. I realized that I was stalling on a task God had assigned to me. This scripture reference was HIM telling me that I could do it. 

I guess the next question I should answer for you is what task are you supposed to be doing?

THIS. 

Writing this. 

Writing this blog. 

Lots has happened in life since I originally started this blog. And God has been patiently pushing me to write again.  

He reminded me of a previous conversation last year in which we were talking about writing what He was doing in my family, sharing our God stories. In which, at that time, I asked God to give me some writing material and free time to actually write in the blog again. End of story, I needed God to do His part so I could do mine. Ha. 

During this current conversation God prompted me to go through my notes on my Iphone and just take a look. As I looked through my notes I realized I had TONS of material. God was not the one that was not answering me, I was the one not listening. Philippians 4:19 says, "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."(NKJV)

Humbled, excited, nervous all at the same time, I repented of my disobedience. I had over 25 different topics, unfinished God stories, in my notes that He supplied but I just did not finish OR post on the blog. Wow and once again, yikes, I am humbled and so sorry for my disobedience. 

And today here I am, writing. 

Psalm 103:8 says, "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy." Thank you LORD for your patience with me in this task. Clearly, I have stalled and been disobedience. Yet you are always merciful and patient with me. 

What have you delayed starting that the Lord asked you to complete? What is holding you back? Take a few moments to ask God to reveal the task He has for you today. Ask Him to give you the courage to complete that task and please step out in faith and complete the work for Him. You can do it, in Christ.